


Now Thats What I Call A Failed Attempt At Situational Comedy

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Humanstuck, McDonald's, Meet-Cute
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 11:18:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13212642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: writing exercises and the like!story #1: rose attempts to rob a popular fastfood chain. yknow. the usual.





	Now Thats What I Call A Failed Attempt At Situational Comedy

ROSE ==> ORDER

Rose Lalonde sighed as melodramatically as she could muster and approached the counter of the McDonald's. The register was unmanned, and she coughed in a a way she hoped would come off as delicate or in the very least, not completely obtuse. 

No one arrived to take her order. 

It is relevant to note that Rose Lalonde, despite painting herself as a mysterious and eloquent figure to strangers as well as her immediate family, was not actually that disciplined in terms of being able to wait more than five minutes for anything that needed immediate rectification. Waiting months for a computer game was easy because she knew what the outcome would be. Waiting three minutes for a cup of ramen noodles to finish boiling was near impossible and most of the time she wound up eating half cooked noodles with the vigor only known by those with nothing left to lose. Was it problematic? Absolutely. Did Rose actually possess the self awareness she claimed to have in order to try to fix it? Hell no. 

So it was almost depressingly predictable when Rose parkoured over the counter and made a mad dash towards the warming racks filled with greasy (but delectable!) McFries and glistening McPies. Her hands hovered about the prewrapped Dollar Menu McChicken Sandwiches and her mouth watered, so enamored in the act of technically robbing a notable fast food chain that she had completely blocked out her stepbrother yelling at her from the other side of the counter. 

JOHN: ROSE!!!! 

Ah. What was that faint noise--perhaps the angelic choir singing praises for all things Deep McFried? Rose couldn't tell, and she didn't care--she bit the bullet and grabbed a large fry before reaching for the cups. She began to pull when a hand fell on her wrist and squeezed. 

??????: What Are You Doing 

ROSE ==> TALK TO THE MANAGER

Rose scowled and looked up at her bringer of justice. She was taller than her, black, and had the expression of someone who had seen far too much shit that day and just wanted to collapse onto a comfortable bed. She also looked vaguely familiar, and Rose was stricken with horror at the reminder that they had met--albeit briefly--in the throes of middle school. Rose had insinuated that she had some kind of deeply disturbing secret of an unsavory nature. The girl had responded by bursting into tears and then transferring schools. 

ROSE: Well. This isn't what it looks like. 

??????: Then Please Do Me The Honor Of Explaining Exactly What Kind Of Alluring Situation Youve Gotten Yourself Into 

??????: I Can Hardly Contain My Thirst For Knowledge Of Your Actions Which Apparently Are Not Being A Thief So Pathetic That Youve Decided To Steal From This Sturdy Staple To The Fast Food Industry 

Her voice was low and smooth and had a painfully Southern twang. Rose was immediately smitten. The manager was still absolutely pissed. 

ROSE: ...okay. You're right. 

ROSE: I definitely am attempting to steal fries. 

JOHN: ROSE OH GOD DON'T ADMIT TO YOUR CRIMES! AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL YOU GET A LAWYER! 

ROSE: JOHN NOW IS NOT THE TIME. 

ROSE: Anyhow. I suppose I'm at your mercy, now. 

??????: Are You Fucking Kidding Me

The manager inhaled deeply and pinched the bridge of her nose. There were still eight hours left to her shift. Her sister was working a double at the cafe across town, and she had recently ended a long term relationship with a particularly nasty boyfriend out of self preservation as well as the realization that she really wasn't into guys. All in all, it had been a rough week, and this was just the cherry on the shit sundae. 

She opened her eyes and looked at Rose, then John, then the pleasant emptiness in the McDonald's. Thank fuck it was early. 

??????: Listen 

??????: Im Just Too Tired For This Bullshit Right Now So Consider Yourself Gold 

??????: However When I Get Off Of This Shift I Want You To Get Your Ass Over Here And Buy Me Some Gyro Or Something 

ROSE: Deal.

There was an exchange of phone numbers and Rose slid ten dollars across the counter to the McExhausted McManager. She felt triumphant and glorious at her escapade, and was almost on cloud nine when John got into the car with her. 

JOHN: did...did you just get out of robbery charges by agreeing to go on a date? 

ROSE: That's 

ROSE: _Fuck._


End file.
